There are a lot of rules to being human. The problem is that nobody gives neurodivergent folks the rulebook. We must have missed orientation.
Somewhere along the way, everyone else received a handbook on how to behave like a neurotypical (perhaps mine got lost in the mail!)
Neurodivergent folks are supposed to pretend.
We pretend we’re fine when someone asks, “How are you?
We pretend to be interested in conversations about things we don’t care about.
We pretend we understand why something is “obvious.”
It’s exhausting.
We’re also expected to “read the room.” In other words, the magical ability to walk into a situation and immediately determine: What is everyone thinking? What is everyone feeling? What am I supposed to say? What am I definitely NOT supposed to say? Is this person joking? Am I allowed to leave now? Was I supposed to laugh at that? Why did everyone suddenly get so quiet?
Apparently, other people can do this automatically. One of the strangest things about social communication is that people don’t always say what they mean. Many neurodivergent people on the other hand, can be very direct. It’s simply too exhausting to pretend. Constantly trying to figure out invisible rules can expend a lot of energy. Some neurodivergent folks spend enormous amounts of time studying social situations, rehearsing conversations, monitoring their behavior, trying to understand facial expressions, remembering social expectations, and wondering whether they’ve done something “wrong.” It’s not that they don’t care about other people. It’s quite often, the opposite. They care so much that they are working overtime to get everything right.
Please know, people with neurodivergence are trying their best. Patience and understanding can go a long way!