Many neurodivergent folks have learned early on that being authentic or honest can lead to rejection, misinterpretation, and insubordination. Masking becomes a common survival strategy. Being honest means dropping the mask which can be terrifying when the mask has been protecting you.
In my opinion, surface-level relationships are built on masking which is exhausting. These types of relationships are expected in today’s fast-paced world. At work, masking is a must if you want to save your career and/or climb the ladder.
Being honest gives people the chance to actually know you. Unfortunately, for many people with neurodivergence, honesty can come across as rudeness, bluntness, and insensitivity – even when it is not our intention. Many times, neurotypical honesty is actually just omission. We as neurodivergents struggle to read unspoken rules so we might say the true thing that everyone else knew to leave out…and then face the consequences without understanding why.
Neurodivergent people have been playing by life’s rules we did not write and cannot always read. Honesty exposes that gap in ways that can have real consequences.
Here are some ways we can make the world more honest-friendly:
- Seek out communities, either in-person or online, where directness is valued
- Name your communication style upfront. Tell people early on, “I tend to be pretty direct, please tell me if I need to soften something.”
- Ask for the same honesty back. Relationships where only one person is being direct are unbalanced. Invite reciprocal honesty.
- Repair openly when honesty lands badly. Own it and apologize.
- Push for neurodiversity training that goes deep. Most workplace “neurodiversity awareness” is surface level. Real change means training people to recognize that communication style ≠ character, and that directness isn’t aggression.