As spring gets into full swing here in the Northeast, U.S of A, people are leaving their hibernation nests and venturing outdoors for sun and socialization. Running into neighbors and strangers is the norm.
I have always been intrigued by small talk. As someone who is painfully introverted, it amazes me when people strike up conversations at random.
Small talk is perplexing because it seems to be built on rules that are implicit and indirect. Trying to guess the “real purpose” of a conversation can feel exhausting and confusing. It’s hard to wrap my head around a conversation that has no intended purpose. For example, talking about the weather when both parties already know the weather can seem inefficient and fake. It is equally confusing to attempt to figure out how long a conversation will go on for, what the other person’s intended purpose is, and how to make a polite exit. These rules are absorbed intuitively for the neurotypical brain but for the neurodivergent brain, it can be emotionally draining.
I realize humans are social creatures and small talk is how people stay connected. Small talk reinforces social norms and belonging. Perhaps I should get into the habit of being okay with not owing authenticity to everyone. A surface-level chitchat could be just that and nothing more. Fake the smile, get through the interaction with a few short blurbs, and be on my way. A brief exchange with a stranger is sufficient to keep the wheels of societal expectations turning. If we as a society treat small talk interactions as the default communicative mechanism, I may want to practice being more flexible and adapting to this norm.
Questions: Do you enjoy casual conversations with strangers? How do you feel about social events where you don’t know anyone?